Happy birthday finn bear ❤️
i wasn’t going to post today but finn gave me a clear message at 3am (or my computer has a mind of its own) and i believe he wants me to remember the good times and celebrate his life with a smile. so here is a slide post of several videos, not necessarily highlighting finn (except the last) but showing some of the many good memories of our big bear with his pack ❤️
i hope you’re running, swimming and feeling all the love today and for ever after sweet boy 🐻🙏🏼
🎶 joy williams, martin garrix, lenka, riddem driven, lullaby baby trio
When your heart hurts yet you can’t help but smile 💗 thank you freya ☺️
Some months ago i posted a picture i took of a cardinal and we talked about what a cardinal sighting might signify. they are considered by many as a spiritual messenger or representative of a loved one who’s passed.
i have to tell you about yesterday. there is so much pain right now. it’s unbearable really. many of you have experienced this loss and know what it’s like. fortunately i have my fur and feathered kids to distract me. they still need my care and attention. freya especially. she’s feeling finn’s loss strongly. i decided to take her to the farm so she could run which she loves. we ran through the field, walked down to the pond and then some zoomies through the sand in the outdoor arena. we said hi to the horses and just sat quietly in the sunshine (freya of course sat in my lap). after a bit, we headed home.
as i was pulling into my driveway, i saw a cardinal on a branch. i stopped and just watched it until it flew away. i wondered if it could’ve been finn. i started to pull into my garage when something caught my eye up near the garage awning. i backed out again. it was a pair of doves. i know they’re fairly common birds but i’d never seen any before around my house. i had my camera in my car so i rolled my window down and got some shots. if i hadn’t seen the cardinal, i know i never would have noticed these two. they blended in perfectly with the house siding and i would’ve drove right into the garage without a notice.
as i watched and photographed them, a little sparrow came and joined them. all three sat peacefully. it was such a treat to see them. i later looked up doves and found these two to be mourning doves. they are said to be a symbol of hope, renewal and peace. so, to my dear sweet finn... if that was you giving me a message or just a gift, i received it and cherished it 🙏🏼
i want to thank all of you for the overwhelming response of support and love. it means a lot and your words help me more than you might think.
i also want to give a sincere thank you to the medical staff at @okstateu. i wasn’t the only one there in tears when we said goodbye. they did all they could and showed my boy love while he was there ❤️💔🙏🏼
This is so difficult for me to post. we are utterly devastated. finn fought so hard for us, he truly did. his body was just too damaged. this morning we found out the tumor was a gastric carcinoma and finn had only days to a few weeks left. we were going to bring him home and make him as comfortable as we could while we cherished what time we had. at 1:45 i got a call from our vet. he said finn’s stomach lining had ruptured. everything we could do for him had been done and it was time to let him go. i drove to osu immediately. when finn saw me he gave me a weak tail wag and laid down. i told him how loved he was, what a good, strong, brave boy he was who fought so hard for us. i told him it was ok and he didn’t have to fight anymore. i know he was listening. he turned his eye towards me but he was too weak to lift his head. he closed his eyes and we let him go. he is no longer in pain.
rest in peace my sweet precious bear. you will be so missed. our hearts are crushed 😞💔🐻
3/25/13 - 3/20/19
Finn is done with surgery and in recovery now. the news we got was not what we wanted to hear. they found a large mass that they were unable to remove as it’s wrapping itself around his stomach. biopsies have been taken and we should have those results by wednesday. it seems likely to be cancerous but depending on what type, we still have hopes of trying to treat it and also manage his ibd. it’s just going to be a day by day thing for now. there’s some concern about him healing from the surgery because his stomach lining was very hard to cut through where a normal lining wouldn’t have been. they’ll be watching him closely. he has a g-tube going to his stomach so he can get his meds and nutrition. everything else looks normal. all his bloodwork, his esophagus, his intestines, his gastropexy, it’s all good. every test has been good. so on to the next battle. if it’s a treatable cancer, then we’ll try to beat it. we’ll keep fighting until we win or until finn says enough or until the decision is not in our hands. my oldest daughter had a very aggressive and rare brain tumor diagnosed in 2015. she’s been tumor free now for 3 years. we’re not giving up hope for finn. if you don’t hear from me for a bit, please don’t worry. i just need to absorb this. i’ll share once i know more and we have a plan. thank you for being there for us and for everything ❤️
I don’t have a lot of words today. my heart and my stomach are in knots but i’m trying to keep only good thoughts in my mind. finn should be heading into surgery some time after 10am (central) but i don’t know exactly when yet. sending loads of positive energy to my big bear and to the medical team at @okstateu 💙✨ i’ll keep you all posted through stories as i get news.
one week from today is finn’s 6th birthday and i look forward to celebrating that with him being here at home with his family ❤️
just for fun, slide to see some snapshots of finn as a floofy little cub hamming it up for the camera 🐻🥰
thank you for your continued love and support 🙏🏼
Bird picture finn story...
the vet just called with an update. finn has learned how to open his door and let himself out 🤣🤣🤣 omg this made me laugh so much!! that’s my bear! 🙌🏼😆 the door has a round flat circular knob that has to be pulled out and turned. i had a hard time getting it open!! this guy has always been a mastermind at escape 😂 we had to turn a gate around when he learned how to work the latch. this news totally made my day ☺️🐻💪🏼
Happy 20th birthday to eva, my black beauty 🖤 i haven’t had a chance to get new pictures of the horses with all that’s going on, plus we’ve had the muddiest winter in history i think 😩 this photo is from 2 years ago. eva’s mane has grown down to her shoulder now and she’s looking as beautiful as ever. today is going to be a sunny 60°f day and i’m going to go pamper my sweet girl, take her lots of treats and of course let her have her traditional birthday beer (started from the summer she quit sweating and got a guinness a day to try to restart the 💦😳) 🍺🎂💗
in a world where some days all we hear seems to be of sadness, pain, hate and division, acts of kindness are so important and so much appreciated. i can’t stop tearing up at the thought of people from all over the globe, from all different walks of life, coming together to support one big, sweet bear dog that they only know through pictures and my ramblings. since my post yesterday morning, finn’s contributions have gone from $5k to $8.7k. i can’t thank you enough for loving and rooting for my big guy 🙏🏼
i just got a call from the hospital. finn ate well and has perked up again 😁 i’m so relieved that he’ll go into surgery monday with some strength back. i know it’s a bit early in the day but cheers to eva going strong into her 20’s, finn eating again and to all of you for your positivity and love 🥂❤️
I was so excited for today’s post. i’d been keeping my joy quiet because i didn’t want to jinx things. today i was supposed to bring finn home as he’d been doing so well. my girls and i drove to oklahoma yesterday and planned to celebrate finn’s homecoming and looked forward to watching the reunion of the crew. surgery had been put off since he was eating and generally doing really well. the vet had even told me he was “causing chaos in the icu” with his barking and energy.
when i arrived, i waited in the lobby for the student who has been taking such wonderful care of finn. as soon as i saw her face i knew something was wrong. she told me that finn had gone downhill since the morning and wouldn’t be able to go home after all. all the air went out of me. another punch to the stomach 😔
i’m heartbroken. my chest literally hurts. finn is now scheduled for surgery on monday. when i went back to the icu to visit with my baby, he still got up, still wagged his tail and was happy to see me but he was not feeling well.
i had taken down the link to my paypal thinking we had received enough ($5k) to lighten our burden. now our estimated bill for our time at osu is $14.5 to $15.5k. this is in addition to what we had previously spent on so many tests and vet visits. if you feel you would like to help out towards finn’s treatment, the link is back up and any amount will be very much appreciated. finn is still fighting to live. he wants to get better. we hope this surgery will give us the answers we need to make it happen.
i’m so tired physically and emotionally but your words and heartfelt feelings help boost me back up. thank you so much for your support 🙏🏼
This guy is gonna give freya and pippa some competition for air time 🙀 ever jumped like 5’ high to get this toy!
finn update... the bear had some turkey with his cottage cheese yesterday 🤞🏼🙌🏼🐻😁
Made for the spotlight 🐥🌟🐥
in their previous relationships, these two were both the dominant bird. together, they’re both equals. each one can be both sweet and super sassy. some days they want space from each other and then other days they’re the biggest cuddle bugs. they both love me, sometimes preferring to hang with me over each other 🤷🏻♀️ i find their relationship so fascinating. animal relationships aren’t always as simple and straightforward as some might think 💙
finn is holding steady. it was very hard to leave him yesterday as he stood at the glass door barking at me. i’ll go back to see him next weekend. i’m overnighting some of my and my husband’s shirts so he can have our scent with him in the meantime.
i’ve come down with a cold or something 🤧 hoping i can get through it before heading back to osu 🤞🏼
I’m not even sure where to start. after my last story post, the dm’s have been just pouring in. thank you to all the ones of love and support. there truly were an overwhelming amount of these ❤️ those few who sent the judgmental ones, please just leave. you aren’t here. you don’t see my dog. you don’t know all the details. this is an incredibly difficult time for my family. i share because i hope it might help someone else and because i know how much most of you love the crew. i feel deep down that all the positive energy you guys send him helps and i appreciate it so much. i am doing my best to make choices where there sometimes aren’t many good ones to choose from.
in case you missed my story, finn had a big setback friday. he has multiple bacterial infections going on. one of these is resistant to almost all antibiotics. his prognosis was changed to poor. we (our whole family) went to osu yesterday to spend time with finn. sydney can’t go near him however since she is immunosuppressed herself. i have stayed here in stillwater and am spending a couple of nights. i was ready to let finn tell me if he’d had enough and wanted us to let him go. that is not the message i’m getting. he’s not in good shape but he’s still fighting and so we’ll continue trying everything we can. since i’ve been here, he’s doing a little better. the last antibiotic we are trying seems to be working. he ate a little yesterday and this morning and rallies a bit of energy when he first sees me (slide for video). it wears him out and he sleeps after but it shows me that he still has a will to live. so we will keep fighting 🙏🏼