Dear hot (ahahahahahahahaha) new boyfriend,
i still remember the first time we met - you walking towards me with a big adorable smile on your face and a big round belly below that, me wondering if i should step back or brace for impact. it had taken me 3 seconds to know that you were d***k as fuck, 15 to know that you had the funniest laugh in the whole world and 18,828 to realize that maybe after the disastrous first impression you do have something pure and nice down there. (i was talking about personality, dirty mind!) over the next few days i realized that, barring our common love for impromptu bed-breaking sex, we have absolutely nothing in common. you need dollops of butter in every dish, i count my almonds. you need a beer to unwind after a hard day of work, i need a good run. you've already planned out the next ten years of your life, i've switched two careers. oops, three. you talk world economics all day, i read poetry. (don't you roll your eyes!) we're so weird together. i think i like that.
for in spite of everything going straight south, we found ourselves holding on to each other for three whole months and i honestly can't think of a single sensible reason to do that. maybe it's because of our differences that we stuck together: there was always something new to explore. maybe it's because of the honesty with which we presented ourselves to each other. or maybe it's because you have a cute butt. just kidding, you don't.
so, here's the thing - i don't know if i'm in love with you yet, but every time i think of you i catch myself smiling like a s****d teenager. maybe i love all the good parts of you. and i think i can tolerate the rest, sometimes. you kinda s**k less than most people anyway, so it's not a bad deal. do you like me a tiny bit too? i hope you do.
so, what do you think? wanna get under the blankets with a bottle of wine and have a long romantic conversation about the stars? just kidding. get naked.
your hot new girlfriend
~ adwitiya borah (@adwitiya_borah )
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To my not so perfect partner,
you left the wet towel on the bed again today. your socks haven't been washed in weeks, and it's at that point when their smell alone can vacate a room full of people.
you zone out when my office stories get too long but keep nodding your head in regular intervals and think i won't notice that you're not listening.
trust me, i notice.
you c***k the worst jokes and expect me to laugh. burn the toast every other morning because you were too busy playing games on your phone.
you still get irritated when i talk to my childhood crush and spend the whole day being grumpy about it.
you make me watch football matches when you know sports is just not my thing yet you can't get through a single grey's anatomy episode without sarcastic comments about how it's not a realistic show.
but sunday morning you woke me up with the world's best coffee and somehow you always make it a point to water the plants when i forget because you know i'll have a breakdown if i k**l one more plant.
you also make sure that the fridge is always stocked with chocolate because you never know when my cravings will kick in.
you give me patience when my midweek crankiness gets the better of me and i just want to run away. you always say you'll run away with me.
i can talk to you for hours about anything from the idea of reality being a simulation to why blue lays is the best. you're my best friend, my agony aunt, and my favourite air hockey opponent.
you are always the most excited to read my poems. from rock bottom insecure days to every gleaming success, you're always there, arms spread.
so my not so perfect partner,
turns out you're kind of perfect for me.
your not so perfect partner
ahana roy chowdhury
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“wrap your arms around me, i'll wrap my arms around you, and just for a little while, we can pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. for a little while, we can disappear. now that's what i call magic.” — m.d.
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Dear annoying husband,
i think it's pretty safe to say, this isn't what we'd signed up for. maybe we should've gotten a hint five years back, when our pandit fell asleep on that cold delhi night, as we earnestly took our vows shivering in front of that fire. or when we fell sick on our honeymoon, and most of it was spent nursing us back to health, and running away from the way-too-many lizards in bali. but we took it in our stride, and tried to find the romance in all of it.
we loved setting up our new house, going grocery shopping, having our meals together.
well, at least for the first month or so.
or at least what we tell people.
because in reality, we're perpetually fighting about whose turn it is to go buy onions, and who is going to get up to open the door for the maid, and whose dirty shoes just left footprints all over the freshly cleaned floors. i'm not sure what happened to our plans to go for fancy dinners, when instead we're growing f*t eating take-out in our pajamas and bickering over which netflix show to watch. this definitely isn't what we signed up for.
but you know what? i love bickering over netflix shows with you. i love how you know i've had a bad day, and volunteer to watch that chick flick i've been eyeing. i love that you love me as much in my torn pajamas as you did in my fancy heels. i love the tiny gifts we get for each other - a random chocolate, a sudden secret cleaning of the house. i love waming my icy hands on your weirdly heat generating skin. i love that i can be myself with you, with all my crazy, and not think twice about whether you'll still be there in the morning.
though i do still hope, that we don't end up fat, ungroomed and freely burping and farting in front of each other - but even if we do, am sure we'll figure out the romance in that comfort.
this isn't what we signed up for, it's so much more.
your nagging wife
~ shreya shively (@shreyashively )
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